By Princess Tanimola
My friend invited me to his newly built house for the first time because he was planning to remarry after being a widower for over a decade. He was a hard working man and happy host. He showed me two fully fitted kitchens and giggled that one was for his children and the other was for his fiancee. All of a sudden, his senior children stopped smiling and mistook me for their incoming stepmother. I became uncomfortable and yawned for an exit. I was highly embarrassed because they refused to trust me as their dad’s platonic friend. Most of my friends are men.
The biggest mistake my friend made was to promise his kids that he would never remarry when their mother died unexpectedly. A promise that later engulfed his heart. On my next visit to his house, his senior children looked at me apologetically. When I met his bride-to-be, I silently pitied the lady because she was about to enter a battle field.
To cut a long story short, the marriage did not last long. The day he told me he was single again I was not surprised. The wedding was a waste of time and money although he tried to make a final break away from single fatherhood. He was a devoted father who over pampered his children. He knew what it was like for children to have wicked stepmums. In order to avoid a wicked stepmum, he remained unmarried for years. Various African stepmums were known to be extremely cruel. Recently, a Nigerian stepmum allegedly 'boiled' the hands of her two-year-old stepdaughter. Even Cinderella's wicked stepmother was not that heartless.
Another man also promised his children that he would never remarry. Unlike the widower, he was a divorcee who never allowed his children to see their mother since they separated. Suddenly, he met a young woman and fell in love. His children became very upset and called him a liar. I told him it would be better for him to retract his promise and ask them to forgive him so that he could remarry peacefully. Somehow, it was a very difficult task for him.
Unfortunately, I do not know if he apologized or retracted his promise because he died some months later. I think it is wrong for single fathers to make promises they cannot keep and assume that children do not need profound apologies. It is not appropriate to keep such a promise in the first instance unless you are absolutely sure. OMG! Life is too exciting for such a ‘dodgy’ promise.
A long time ago, a platonic friend who is still a stage performer, traditional singer, chorographer and sculptor et al gave me two distinctive presents. It was not my birthday and neither was it Christmas. He just felt that I deserved both presents. I did not know the value of the presents until a few months ago… After a conversation with someone who was looking for one of the presents, I realized that what I once had were priceless possessions that I no longer have because I did not cherish or looked after them.
I suddenly realized what friendship was all about. It is like the presents that I did not value because I was not used to them or did not know how expensive they were. They were so unique that it is almost impossible for you to walk into a shop and buy them. You cannot buy them from online stores either. I wish I still had them. I wished I could have given one of them away to the person in need of it at the moment but nay.
What were those presents? Don’t be nosey! Without mincing words, they were presents given to rare people. Am I rare? Of course not… Who am I? I could not help but assume that he gave me those presents so that one day I would remember him. A few months ago, I saw him in a film documentary.
Years before I received those presents, I got a gift that baffled me for two weeks in another country. Apologetically, I gave it back to the person who gave it to me. I did not bother to tell a third party because it would not make sense to the average human being. When I gave it back, it was as if a big burden was lifted out of my life. Why me? That was what I asked myself for two weeks. The answer to that question became obvious years later, on the day I received those two unique presents.
