Gida: Halo, halo…
Baba: Haloooo…
Gida: Baba Heeyabor, how are you? I need to have a PEEC with you.
Baba: I dey kampe!
Gida: No shaking!
Baba: No shaking!
Gida: Tomorrow is the D-Day. Reebado is my choice o. Who’s yours?
Baba: It is like asking me if I love Heeyabor more than my other children because we are in the same party. I love Gbengaar apart from his rascal attitude; at least he is not a fool. I like Goody as much as I like Reebado. They are like my kids. They've both worked under me.
Gida: You are a very lucky godfather to have both of them.
Baba: If you say so. When Soyinka endorsed Reebado we did not hear much resentment but as soon as you endorsed him, mouths began to clatter.
Gida: They have always called me the evil genius but you know that I am not evil.
Baba: But you are a sly fox.
Gida: So are you.
Baba: Ha ha ha!
Gida: Harrrrrrh!
Baba: Ha ha ha!
Gida: Did they expect me to choose Boohari and sign my prison warrant? He committed worse crimes than me but he would still want to send me to prison because he is scared of me.
Baba: I think he does not trust you. I dey laugh o! After all, you are both former coup plotters.
Gida: What of you? Point of correction, a coup plotter is always a coup plotter. Is a terrorist not always a potential terrorist?
Baba: He would want to put me in the cooler too so that I would no longer be able to enjoy my amala lafun and bitter leaf soup. That man is wicked to the marrow. He will take his pound of flesh.
Gida: They don’t know how powerful I am in this country. Any president that does not respect me cannot last three months in office. I still control the military with my loyalists. Retired but not out. Reebado is very intelligent and knew that there are no permanent enemies in Naija politics.
Baba: Where does that leave Goody?
Gida: Goody is strong o. He has control over the rebels. He looks before he leaps. The rich would prefer Goody behind closed doors. The rich don’t care for the poor. They support anybody in power.
Baba: The problems of the country are too much. I failed woefully on electricity. I tried…
Gida: But you did well in telecommunications.
Presidential Election Eve Conversation (PEEC) Part 2
Baba: Major importers of generators may need to be locked up if we want any progress in the energy sector. They are very powerful people and they would do anything to frustrate proposals. Look at common rice. We should not be importing rice. We should be exporting rice by now. Naija should have joined the top 10 rice producing countries in the world. Goody says he will deal with rice production, electricity and unemployment. If a farmer is sure that a conglomerate would buy rice from him, he would farm like a madman. As a farmer, I want to break into the rice industry big time. I want my rice to be sold at ASDA and Tesco in the UK. Tesco runs well over 4,000 branches. We need to set up an International Rice Research Institute like that of the Philippines.
Gida: We need a rice revolution. I would like my 'Maradona Rice' to be sold at Waitrose with Fairtrade mark. Fairtrade will ensure that producers get a fair deal. Reebado would fight corruption and reform the civil service. Oyeegon, Shakerrow’s vice candidate and Reebado have civil service experience. You cannot fight corruption effectively if you don’t scatter the civil service. The civil service needs to be trimmed with more training facilities. Employees must be trained periodically. Our people in the Diaspora should be able to phone our ministries and receive good customer service. Corruption is embedded in the civil service. That was why some people fought tooth and nail to make sure that ‘Dora the explorer’ did not head the health ministry.
Baba: The civil service is powerful. Policies cannot be adequately implemented in a corrupt civil service system. The women that sell shoes and bags on duty don’t have enough work to do. They are bored. There is lack of team work and no targets… You cannot compare the kind of jobs people do in the Diaspora to our jobs here. Over there people work very hard for every penny they earn.
Gida: No wonder some of them have hip socket replacement operation.
Baba: It could actually make them live longer than us. They also walk faster than we do. Have you noticed?
Gida: We both failed in the health sector but are the parties keen on healthcare?
Baba: We need specialist hospitals and free treatment for children and pensioners or old people. I would have loved to build a children’s hospital like Great Ormond Street Hospital in London but I can’t afford to at the moment.
Gida: Why didn’t you build it during your tenure?
Baba: Why didn’t you? We are talking of billions… What of the billions that Yar’Aduha’ widow raised for a cancer specialist hospital?
Gida: I think Abashaa’s widow said on BEN TV that once a president dies all the money should be left to his family to pack away. Anyway, we have enough oil revenue to provide a lot of facilities for our people.
Baba: No Naija government is yet to get the revenue allocation right for the benefit of the masses. We still lack basic amenities like water…
Gida: Water, light, food, house… a la Fela's song. The British government budget millions of pounds to repair potholes e.g. £100 million at a go. No wonder their roads are not death traps like ours. We overlook many things when we are in power don’t we?
Baba: You lot are very smart o.
Gida: How?
Baba: You used the resources of the South to build the North…Federal Capital Territory.
Gida: They were resources of the country.
Baba: Ha! This is one argument that I have always had with you. That is why I also became a godfather.
Gida: Your people prefer education and our people prefer security in case the country splits. We are the weaker people in terms of intellectuals but we have the military.
Baba: I don’t agree with you but we need to rebuild Laygus State to international standards and move the capital back to where it was.
Gida: Move? Faasolar is the best governor that Laygus State has ever had. In fact, the best Naija governor. Some other governors admire him. Laygus is likely to become one of the most important cities in the world. That is why foreign media are interested in Laygus.
Baba: If you were from Laygus, I know you; you would turn it into another Dubai. Plan a coup, turn it into a small country and become the president. The visa entry to Laygus State would be very tough.
Gida: Ha ha ha!
Baba: Ha ha harrrrh!
Gida: I want to eat my tuwo shinkafa before it gets cold.
Baba: OK! I need my traditional meal too! Goodnight.
Gida: It's nice having a PEEC with you. Goodnight.
