By Danielle Lobito
With heavy hearts, the Released Captives Association of Nigeria (RCAN) strongly insists that you must vacate Aso Rock Presidential Villa or renounce your intention to build a Mission House at the whopping cost of N4 billion while the masses wallow in penury. The choice is yours.
You should relocate to Bayelsa State where you were sworn in and currently paid as a permanent secretary to the state government for doing nothing apart from eating, farting and nattering! Do not forget to carry your pots and pans with you including the leftover goat, cow and donkey legs aka bushmeat. Enough is enough! First Ladies do not have two heads therefore you should not hold two positions at once. Give another person the opportunity to escape from poverty rather than hijack the position of permanent secretary.
The recent kidnapping of the chairman of Ejigbo Local Council Development Authority Mr Kehinde Bamigbetan whose name literally means ‘help me to carry it properly’ in Yoruba revealed that some kidnappers in Nigeria are against you and may continue to kidnap people because of you. They told Mr Bamigbetan that apart from being jobless graduates for six years your N4 billion Mission House was one of the reasons why they kidnapped him. Luckily for Mr Bamigbetan, he was bundled back alive after a ransom of N15 million instead of the initial ransom of $1m (about N55 million) was organized. Jobless graduates automatically became millionaires. Kidnapping is now a profession in Nigeria since you don’t have to be a terrorist to become a kidnapper. The kidnappers carried Bamigbetan back properly. Some captives die in captivity or on the way back from hell.
As members of RCAN, we want kidnappers to stop the terrifying job they do, but how would they get their next meal and send their children to school? Your husband and his ministers are not doing enough to create jobs. That was why billionaire Aliko Dangote made a ‘mockery’ of graduates by asking them to apply for jobs as truck drivers via advertisements. Can you imagine your Jonathan aka Mr President driving a truck with his PhD simply because he cannot get a job? Your Jonathan should drive Dangote’s truck for a week in order to get truck experience. He is too comfortable inside Aso Rock Presidential Villa in traditional regalia et al. He needs a national tour in order to see and feel what the masses are going through.
You are selfish, inconsiderate and bipolar in attitude by refusing to recognise the rallies against your proposed N4 billion Mission House. On the proposal of N2 billion to build Abuja gates, who does not know that only political vagabonds would use that amount to build gates in Nigeria?
There are different facets of poverty in Nigeria. It is so bad that most Italian men prefer Nigerian prostitutes. Some of our beautiful women are stripped of their glory because that is the only way to stay alive and send money back to the shanties they left behind in Nigeria. Some of them die on the job of sex sale while others pay heavy debts in order to become prostitutes in Italy. Are Italian women not beautiful enough or is it because Nigerian women are cheaper in bed? What stops you from meeting Italy's First Lady on the shameful issue?
The writer, poet and author of ‘You're Not A Country, Africa’ Professor Pius Adesanmi of Carleton University in Canada satirically said that President Barack Obama should have invited President Goodluck Jonathan to Washington for the summit on Africa's democracy e.g., “He and his wife are said to travel with a harem of presidential jets – some travel as advance delegations. The plane loads of raw cash and aides create an economic ripple effect. They stay in the best hotels, charter limousines, and spend days in shopping malls since they hardly ever attend the functions they came for”.
Recently, the US government suggested that Nigerian officials could face sanction because President Jonathan gave a Presidential pardon to political convicts including his mentor. RCAN thinks that the International Community should impose sanctions on you because some kidnappers are kidnapping people because of you. RCAN accepts that you should move out of Aso Rock immediately or within 30 days unless you stop your N4 billion Mission House Project. Otherwise, RCAN humbly awaits your exit. A luta Continua!!
Yours Sincerely,
Obama Snubs Jonathan over Africa’s Democracy Summit
Bamigbetan: I Had a Weird Premonition the Day I was Kidnapped
Dear President Obama, Goodluck Jonathan Must be Invited to Washington!
U.S threatens sanctions against Nigeria over pardon for ex-convict Alamieyeseigha, Bulama
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The Senate on Wednesday dropped the controversial African First Ladies’ Peace Mission House project when it passed the N259.65bn budget of the Federal Capital Territory for the 2013 fiscal year without approving the N4bn appropriated for it.
In February when the budget proposal was brought to the National Assembly, it contained N4bn vote for the construction of the mission house in Abuja, a development that attracted a lot of criticisms from members of the public.
—PUNCH
This is a 'limited edition' because of parables. 'Ijakadi' means tug-of-war in Yoruba. We were not referring to the Yoruba film 'Ijakadi' where a street fighter falls in love.
Lord of mercy! What was all that for? You should not literally strip a person 'naked' in public and philosophically try to patch things up in the dark especially at ungodly hours. It is never done unless the person is a big fool. The ‘person’ is called assorted names anyway. What do you want with a useless person? Hehehe!
The ‘angry mob’ saga was funny indeed. Nevertheless, the person will not be arm twisted into submission. Mr Nice Guy is really Mr Wahala (trouble) in disguise. He is very clever in the art of persuasion. That is why he has a big supporters club.
All these ‘wahala’ or problems would not have occurred if some people did not get in between them in the first instance. Some people did not want them to be friends at all. The truth is bitter. It is pointless trying to make peace after series of shameless intrigues. Bullying, stalking and vendetta are the hobbies of some people. Lord, have mercy. Amen! Can somebody warn Mr Nice Guy to stop throwing temper tantrums? It should be the other way round. Hehehe!
