By Matthew Mahmood
Wahala: Hello… Hello…
Goody: Hellooo
Wahala: How are you and your family?
Goody: We are fine. As soon as I saw your name I knew it must be urgent; any problem?
Wahala: It’s about your new Greek Gift. I just hope it will not affect me as a norminee; after all, it was not my gift but yours.
Goody: Is that why you phoned me at 2.00am?
Wahala: I didn’t want earwiggers to listen to our conversation.
Goody: I have not done anything wrong by allowing a foreign construction company to build or renovate a church in my house. Only a fool would see a free show and turn away by preferring to pay.
Wahala: I hope it does not affect me on Election Day.
Goody: What are you trying to imply? Don’t use me as a scapegoat. I'm warning you in advance. Who influenced me to increase the pump price of petrol in order to make life harder for the masses? Didn’t you lie that you had nothing to do with it? The riots led to the death of innocent people and I had to bite my tongue in order to bring down the pump price. At the election, that may be used to judge you and not my new holy church that you called a Greek Gift.
Wahala: Am I the first person to call it a Greek Gift? So, you don’t want me to tell you the truth! I will… Are you aware that the President of ‘20%ers’ Association of Naija Mr Oletoba Oleremilekun sent me a copy of a signed petition against you and a foreign construction company? Of course, you must have heard or read that one of the opposition parties has called for your impeachment by the National Assembly.
Goody: I am immune to prosecution under the immunity clause. That is not my fault, is it? Oleremilekun is a useless embezzler and trouble shooter. The State Security Service should arrest and interrogate him as soon as possible. As for the National Assembly, as soon as metal cases that are stuffed with dollars are circulated, any impeachment motion will be called off, just like that. I don’t think anybody can threaten me with impeachment. Moreover, my party members in the National Assembly are there to defend me.
Wahala: Oh yes! You are immune to prosecution but not impeachment. Have you forgotten that I am one of the initiators of ‘Due Process’ in this country, during my first tenure as a minister? The Public Procurement Act of 2007 aka ‘Due Process’ saved the country 88.5 billion within 2 years. In 2010, the '20%ers' took bribes of about 480 billion ($3b).
Goody: And so what? It was not during my tenure as the president. So, it had nothing to do with me.
Wahala: Let me land now, let me talk ooo.
Goody: Go on…
Wahala: The ‘20%ers’ or fraudsters in the civil service want your Greek Gift revoked otherwise they will continue to collect 20% glaringly. That will be 20% of every contract. After all, it is not bribe to them too. I just hope the new association of ‘5%ers’ led by Mrs Amaka Kushi-Barawu, which comprises of low waged workers, will not send a petition because she phoned my secretary on the same issue.
Goody: This is blackmail. They will see the wrath of god. The bible says, 'Touch not my anointed ones, …' (1 Chronicles 16:22; Psalm 105:12). It is a sin to demolish a house of God. It is a hue and cry because nothing will happen to my church. It is protected by the blood of Jesus. It wasn't a bribe.
Wahala: What is your definition of bribe? Allowing a company to build the church free of charge can be classified as gross misconduct, bribery and corruption.
Goody: How dare you talk to me like that? Who do you think you are?
Wahala: How dare you mention that the building was a gift during a church service? Did anybody force the words out of your mouth when you knew the election was around the corner? You talk too much. You don’t read blogs. If you did, you would have noticed that a blogger tried to warn you of your major weakness months ago.
Goody: All you care about is your global ambition. The Yankees do not like you anymore. Can’t you accept that? They have their own candidate for the election. You shouldn’t have accepted this job if you knew you wanted the other job. As they say, you cannot have your cake and eat it too.
Wahala: No, no, no! Wrong! The Yankees do not hate me at all. I will put you all to shame if I win. Was I the one who was undiplomatic and rude to the Yankee Secretary of State during her trip to our country in 2009? Our undemocratic senate leader and PinDyPee lambasted the Secretary of State. They condemned her statement on Naija e.g. policy reform, corruption, abuse of women's rights and human rights, now they want me to head a global institution. It is hypocritical for them to think like that.
Goody: I was a vice-president at the time. It had nothing to do with me.
Wahala: Sort out your Greek Gift brouhaha because it is bugging me. Good night, sorry good morning.
Goody: (Speechless).
Joan Rivers’ California Coke Joke
American comedienne and actress Joan Rivers, 78, made a lot of viewers giggle on The Wendy Williams Show (Black Entertainment Television aka BET) as a Co-host. Audiences had to laugh at her joke on California residents. Did anybody say that it was not a joke? Well, a male doctor on the show said everyone is on prescription in California. 
Host Wendy Williams 'revealed' that Joan Rivers 'smoked' weed. Rivers said everyone smokes in California. Not just weed but stronger substances. In a beauty shop, she saw a woman with bad dandruff but when six women started to sniff the substance off the woman, she realized that it was something else.
Rivers said, “They sniff the white line off the street.” Would most California residents find the joke funny? Anyway, Rivers is very funny and has 'had 5,611 procedures.' She thinks having plastic surgery is like going to college. Crazy?
Joan Rivers Dishes on the Latest Hot Topics!
