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Diezani Allison-Maduekwe
Can someone tell Nigeria’s Petroleum Resources Minister, Mrs Diezani Allison-Maduekwe that she is wanted on (BEN TV – Sky Channel 184) a London based satellite TV political programme as soon as possible? The presenter of News Punch, Tunde Alabi told viewers twice on repeat broadcast that he wants Maduekwe or her representative to come and tell Nigerians in the Diaspora about the problems of the Niger Delta region and the management of oil resources in Nigeria.
Allison-Maduekwe is Nigeria’s first female oil minister and first woman OPEC minister. Shouldn’t Mrs Maduekwe face Dr Cassandra in a 'hot' interview session with Tunde Alabi? Cassandra has previous experience with the World Bank. She allegedly said, on News Punch, that Nigerian law allows oil companies to pay five Kobo per metre for flared gas.
The shocking revelation by Cassandra is alarming… It is almost unbelievable in this day and age. Should oil companies be blamed all the time? Cassandra does not think that changing the president would quickly change the suffering of the masses or the major problems in Nigeria.
She said ‘change’ takes time. Do you agree with her ‘pro-Goodluck Jonathan’ statement? The Goodluck Jonathan administration is too slow for the type of rapid development that Nigeria needs. In fact, why is Cassandra not in Jonathan's cabinet of ministers? She might be able to 'solve' some of Nigeria's oil and gas exploitation, exploration and exportation problems aka 'oil curse.' The parliamentary election is on April 2. The presidential election is on April 9 and the gubernatorial election is on April 16.
Cleaner Rejects Quiz Prize
By Danielle Lobito
Executive Aso villa cleaner, Maggie Whiskey won a quiz that was sponsored by the National Assembly. The Quiz received over 100 entries. The surprise prize turned out to be a return ticket to Libya. Sadly, Mrs Whiskey refused to accept the prize and begged the National Assembly to release a one way ticket to the Bahamas instead. Below is the quiz question and answer.
Quiz question: Which lawmaker sent a note to a female lawmaker which stated that she looked beautiful and she told him ‘angrily’ that he was very stupid?
(a) Dayvid Marc
(b) Deemayjee Ban-Kolay
(c) Chewku Mayreejay
Quiz Answer: B
Culled from Aso Rocket News: ‘In-House Journal’ (Issue 1)
My Libya Experience
Embattled Muammar Gaddafi of Libya
Former US President Ronald Reagan did not call Colonel Muammar Gaddafi, 'the madman of the desert' for nothing. He knew how ruthless and intolerant Gaddafi could be. I pitied people that were stuck in Libya for one reason or another at the beginning of the uprising that led to the United Nations military air strikes on Libya.
I went to Libya once and discovered that it was a police state where people were not totally free. I was a teenager in those days and loved travelling. The air hostesses and host were very nice. We had a stopover flight at Tripoli. I had a small camera in my hand and swung it to and fro.
I was stopped by an immigration officer that was very arrogant and unfriendly. He told me that I must not take any photograph in the airport because passengers can be arrested for taking photographs. I felt as if I was being bullied and went to the city to do some shopping but not before he told me not to be late for my next flight.
Otherwise, I would have had to sleep in Tripoli free of charge. I said, “God forbid a bad thing.” Some months later, I ‘instructed’ my parents never to buy me a flight ticket that had anything to do with Libya again. My 'sad' experience in Libya is not April fool's joke. April fools 'finished' at 12pm.
The Presidential Debate: Mr & Mrs J (2)
Mr President debates alone
Mrs J: Darling, the debate was wonderful o. You had no rival by debating alone.
Mr J: They refused to show up because I did not show up for the other debate.
Mrs J: Maybe they did not want to partake in bad luck. They must have heard of how people that contest with you normally hit their waterloo.
Mr J: That’s all mumbo jumbo.
Mrs J: Didn’t you know that it was a good strategy to avoid Shekarau?
Mr J: What do you mean?
Mrs J: Professor Pat Utomi pulled out of the presidential race last Wednesday and now supports Shekarau. Shekarau is leading the online opinion poll with 21% and you scored 20% out of 70 million votes.
Mr J: Most of the online voters are not in Nigeria therefore Shekarau can only win the election in the cyberspace.
Mrs J: I have bribed a lot of voters with bags of rice. I scared the hell out of them by saying that anybody wey chop my rice and fail to vote for ‘umblerra party’ will be sparked by Shango, the Yoruba god of thunder. Fenibeso the war god of Okrika and Egbesu the war god of Ijaw will also deal with them.
Mr J: On TV, I saw the way some people were wounded while fighting for bags of rice. A few died in the stampede. There was no need to curse them now!
Mrs J: Sit down there! Na so dem go chop all our sweat and vote for Ribadu or Buhari.
Mr J: What of Goodluck Biscuits?
Mrs J: We gave thousands of packets away. Some people complained that they were not sweet enough.
Mr J: We spent millions of Naira to produce those special biscuits. After eating my biscuits, may their mouths swell like ‘puff-puff’ if they don’t vote for our party.
Mrs J: No bi you say make we na no curse dem?
Mr J: Na slip of tongue. I must not get angry with those wayo people.
Mrs J: What of tomorrow’s parliamentary election?
Mr J: It should show how far the bags of rice and biscuits went.
Mrs J: Baba Soyinka, the Nobel Laureate don spoil our show o!
Mr J: The Inspector General of Police is a coward. He was scared of Wole Soyinka. His boys quickly refuted his previous verbal ban on camera and mobile phones at polling booths. The fool should have pretended as if he had not read Professor Soyinka’s newspaper comments against him.
Mrs J: So people will record the events?
Mr J: Why not but there is another catch.
Mrs J: What?
Mr J: Some GSM phone operators may decide to limit satellite signals on election days. Could that not limit evidence of electoral fraud?
Mrs J: Ha ha ha ha!
